Thomas with Mom and Edgar
Adopting an Autistic Child
When Edgar was five years old, we decided we were ready to adopt a second child. Since we only had the one bedroom it had to be a boy. We signed up with a different agency due to the issues we had with the first one and went through the qualification process as Foster-Adopt parents. That meant another round of Foster Parent training, First-Aid and CPR classes and a background check. The social worker assigned to us, Danielle, was fantastic. We were clear that we wanted a boy under three who was not exposed to drugs or alcohol at birth. But we had no idea that Thomas we were adopting an autistic child.
The first time Danielle presented information on an available, suitable child, we said no. He had some odd gene disorder that we couldn’t pronounce nor understand what it meant. The picture that was part of his information sheet made his head look distorted. Besides that, another couple who were doctors had rejected this kid. We understood that to mean that there was something wrong with this boy. Danielle tried to convince us to at least meet him, saying that his social worker thought that we would be great parents for him. We didn’t change our minds.
Three Times is a Charm
Weeks later, we received a phone call from Danielle. She told us that the boy, Thomas, whom we had rejected had a new social worker who independently picked us out to be his parents. It seemed like a coincidence, but we still refused the child. We didn’t hear from Danielle for a while and called her a few times. Each time she told us that no child met our requirements. In February 2003, Danielle finally called us and said that a new social worker recommended that we would be the right match for Thomas that we had rejected twice before.
None of Thomas’s social workers had any knowledge that the same kid had been presented to us three times. At first, we were upset and complained that Danielle wasn’t looking hard enough. That night, we discussed the possibility that Thomas is supposed to be with us. It couldn’t all be just coincidence without a reason. We decided it was a sign that we were expected to adopt that child and called Danielle the next morning to tell her we were interested.
Danielle arranged for us to meet Thomas at his foster home. We didn’t like the idea of “shopping” for a kid and “throwing him back” after meeting him, so we decided that we would adopt him no matter what. Edgar came with us so he could meet his new brother. He wanted to bring a toy to him, so we bought a talking Woody doll (from Toy Story) for him.
That Kid is Weird
We walked into a beautiful home with lots of kids running around. Edgar looked excited that one of these kids was going to live with us. A teenage girl asked us to wait in a spacious living room. After ten minutes, a woman holding Thomas’s hand walked down the stairs. She walked over and introduced us. Edgar gave Thomas the doll and tried to play with him. Minutes later, Edgar was appalled. Thomas could barely walk, couldn’t speak and couldn’t roughhouse like the other kids. In fact, he wasn’t like the other children at all. He seemed to be in his world and never played with anyone else.
The foster mother set up a time when we could meet again. When it was time to leave, we told Edgar to say goodbye to Thomas. On the way home, we asked Edgar what he thought of Thomas. He said that he didn’t want Thomas because he wouldn’t be able to play with him. Edgar proceeded to describe another boy he preferred to have as a brother. That boy was the grandson of the foster family. Edgar was not happy. He told us that Thomas was too weird. At the time, we had no idea how ‘weird’ Thomas was nor what was in store for us. We also did n’t know he was autistic nor any clue what it was like to raise an autistic child. Foster parents are only expected to provide food, shelter and keep them healthy, not get children tested for any potential disorders. Our journey through the Autism Spectrum was about to begin.